Have They Found the Pessimism Gene Yet?

From the moment he was born, everyone remarked how much our oldest looks like my husband. I could always see a few traits from my side of the family, but if we were in a crowd, people would identify the two of them as belonging together before me.

When our second son came along, there was nothing familiar about him. The scant fuzz with a strawberry-blond tint came from nowhere (unless you want to count my step-dad or Hubs adopted sister!). The chubby-cheeks and bulky build, the widow's peak hairline...if I hadn't been there when he arrived and knew he'd never left the room, I would have insisted they brought me someone else's baby.

He's five now, and there are still days when I look at him and think, "Where did you come from?" People will often say he 'favors' me in the way his brother does their dad. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that it's not his physical traits that resemble mine.

The older he gets and the more he expresses himself (and express himself he does!), the more I feel like I'm looking into a funhouse mirror that turned me into a little curly-haired, blue eyed boy with a temperament that is a reflection of all my worst traits. If it's true that the things that bother us most in others are the things we dislike most about ourselves, then I'm beginning to realize that maybe I haven't grown as much as I want to believe I have.

While he wakes up with a smile, it doesn't take long before the lips turn to a pout and the voice comes out a whine. After school, or the park, or a playdate, if we ask how things went, we're regaled with a litany of his friends' faults, perceived injustices, and otherwise simply unhappy occurrences.

I started to catch on to this after most of the school year passed, and decided to try a modified version of my husband's "What's good about it?" method of conversation modification. When greeted with a tale of woe at the hands of a classmate, I'd prod him to tell me something he likes about them.

The result is a lot like mine probably was at the beginning. "I can't think of anything." But just like I learned to start looking for something good to say in response to the question, "What's good about it?" I'm hoping that he'll begin to make it a point to remember the good things too.

And it's a reminder to me that the very best way I can help him be the positive, happy kid that I believe he's meant to be, is to model that behavior to him. To be quick to find the good in people and situations, and quicker to keep the converse to myself. I know I've grown in that, but I really need to keep working on it and demonstrating it.

And I need to encourage and praise him when he is happy and kind and generous more than I am exasperated with his whining and grumbling.

And someday, when someone says he's just like me, I hope we'll both take it as a compliment!

"But they might laugh at me"

I figured one of the pluses of having two children of the same gender was getting to use some of my favorite wardrobe pieces from the first a second time.

So when it was finally cool enough on Sunday to wear long pants, I happily went to the bin and got two of my favorite pairs of pants that Bug wore first. One is a cute plaid in nice fall colors and the other is navy with white whales embroidered on them. Boo wanted nothing to do with either one.

"But they might laugh at me." I never expected to hear that from my almost 3 year old boy as he fought my clothing choices for church and preschool!

I couldn't help but wonder where he got that sense of self-consciousness at such a young age! First, I don't know that anyone has ever laughed at him. He does get lots of comments about how cute he is (especially the strawberry blond curls). And since I can still get away with it at this point, I admit to dressing Bug and Boo alike on occasion, which engenders more attention of the "look how cute" sort.

Funny that he's self conscious about what he wears and kind of wanting to blend-in in that sense when he doesn't seem the least bit aware of the attention he garners as he runs full tilt through the church or makes his astonishingly loud chirping/screeching/shouting boy noises.

While I'm sad that many of my favorite plaid pants and hawaiian shirts (not worn together!) may ultimately only be really nice hand-me-downs for some other adorable preppy-style boy, I'm more sad that he's not even three but he's already influenced by what other people think.

I never expected to have to start to work on my preschool son's sense of independence and confidence. He's outgoing and strong willed and imaginative and bold. And surprisingly sensitive to other's opinions of him. I'm not really sure what to do with that.

His brother has never had trouble not 'following the crowd' if he doesn't want to. He still needs to be reminded of the right choice from time to time, but he's not easily persuaded to do something he's already decided against. I love that about him because I can relate so well. (And I hope that some of that might rub off on his little brother as they get older.)

.

I think we might need to read some stories about Daniel and David. The Philistines did laugh at David, but he still took down the giant. With the right perspective, I know my bold, fearless Boo could slay giants too.

(btw--is it terrible of me that I found a way to get him to wear some of the clothes? He's all about skating--as in skateboards--yes, I have a 3 year old wannabe skate punk! I got him to give in to the cute palm tree bermuda shorts by calling them "board shorts" and telling him that they're the kinds of shorts that skateboarders wear. Bad mom?)

Love at first bite

Last night's bedtime conversation with Bug:

B-"What would happen if I bit Boo's arm off?"

M-"Well, that would hurt him a lot and then you'd have to help him with lots of stuff since he'd only have one arm to use." (Lame answer, but that's not one of the "talks to have with your children" answers that I already have planned out!)

B-"Could he die?"

M-"Yes, he could if he lost enough blood. I guess it would depend on how quick we got him to the hospital."

Keeping in mind this is my very sweet-tempered, gentle-natured, non-aggressive son (he's much more likely to be bitten than do the biting), after a few moments of silence I thought to continue, "Why do you ask?"

B-"Because I love him so much that sometimes I just want to bite his arm off!"

Hmm...didn't see that one coming!

I do often tell Bug "I love you to pieces." I wonder if this is what he pictures when I say that? I think I'm gonna have to find a new way of expressing myself!