Ruby Tuesdays--Supportive is as Supportive Does

Welcome to Ruby Tuesdays. Join me and others every Tuesday as we blog something related to Proverbs 31. My theory is this passage is included in the Bible to inspire and uplift, not discourage us; to portray the endless possibilities of a woman's life, not to confine us to prescribed roles. I have far to go to become all He's created me to be, but I hope you'll join me as I blog about the journey.

"She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

When I was growing up, the complaint I most heard from my parents was how selfish I was. It got to the point where I felt like 'selfish' was my middle name. You know, when you were really in trouble and your parents used your whole first-middle-last name to get your attention. I could easily have been named "Mary Selfish Pielenz" during those years.

While I'm not immune to bouts of selfishness as a mom, I struggle more in my relationship with Hubs. There's something to that old maternal instinct that makes it easier to set aside my wants for my kids needs. That's not as easy with the other grown-up in the house though.

I won't say I always get it right, and I'm certainly not the most self-sacrificing wife around. I try though.

A few weeks ago I shared about Mt. Hermon and some of what it meant to me this year. It was all much understated. Those five days are probably the ones I look most forward to all year. And it's not as much about 'getting away' as it is being there among like-hearted people.

Hubs is a great dad and I have no worries about him handling things with the boys while I'm away, so once I get there, it's easy to relax and make the most of the time.

This year though, Hubs was scheduled to preach that Sunday. Usually that means he spends some time Friday and Saturday preparing, but I was going to be gone and there's not much quiet time around here when you're running things solo. There's also the "Sunday Morning Factor;" that dynamic that sends things spiraling downward when you're trying to get everyone ready for a lovely, worshipful time at church.

I wanted Hubs to be able to prepare as he needed and to get to church without the usual Sunday morning stress to distract him. I had arranged for a playdate so he'd get some study time and some Sunday back-up to help with the kids, but that fell through a couple days before I left.

He would never have asked, but I offered to leave my conference to come home on Saturday evening so he could focus on preparing and getting himself to church on Sunday and I'd handle the kid stuff.

I didn't like missing a day of the conference, but in the grand scheme of things, it mattered more that I be there for Hubs than be at the conference for myself.

It's possible that things could have gone smoothly for him if I hadn't come home. And it's likely that even if they weren't smooth, the end result would have been fine. It wasn't a lack of confidence in him, but a desire to do my part to help him be at his best.

As I type this, I remember that that's even what brought us together as a couple way back when. Things aren't always easy between us (what close relationship is?), but we've always wanted the best for each other and do what we can to bring that about.

I know I don't always get it right in this area. I could speak more kindly to him much of the time, and be more patient and accepting of our differences. I do think though that one of the strengths of our relationship is that we intentionally don't tear each other down to others. (There may be another whole post in that topic.)

I have far to go to really be a Proverbs 31 woman. But I do think it is absolutely one of the most important parts of the passage.

"The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1

If you blog about anything related to Proverbs 31 (gardening, home business, budgeting, frugal living...virtually any aspect of home-making) sometime during the week, you're welcome to use Mr Linky so others can see your post (please use the URL from the specific post itself, not just your blog URL).

You can also grab the Ruby Tuesdays button code and place it in your sidebar so more of your bloggy friends can come along. I look forward to seeing you on Tuesdays to discover more ways we can become the 'gems' God intends us to be.


Jessica said...

What a wonderful post. You don't sound selfish at all. You're right about it being easier to do things for our children than for our hubby. Ouch. Talk about a prick to my conscience. LOL

Priscilla said...

Remember June Marshall? She was such a wonderful support for me during a hard time in my marriage and she really emphasized the thing about not "bad mouthing" our husbands to others, but also even at home with just the 2 of us and no one else watching. I miss her terribly.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I have struggled with selfishness my entire life; not sure why that is. I certainly wasn't brought up to be selfish. I lived with some of the most "outwardly" focused parents who cared little about their own needs and concentrated on the needs of others.

I, too, am tempted to put my kids' needs and my own above my husband's. It's a lifelong learning, friend.

Thanks for sharing. Hope to be back next week~elaine

RefreshMom said...

I'm glad June was that kind of friend to you Priscilla. She really was a special woman. My mom knew her better than I did, but I admired her very much for so many things.

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